2016, or the big hangover

Cet article est en anglais car ce matin ce sont les seuls mots qui me venaient… j’en ferai peut être une version en français, je n’en ai aucune idée, ce ne sont que mes mots, mes pensées, mes peurs au réveil… Je ne sais pas si j’arriverai à les réécrire une deuxième fois tant cela me fait mal au coeur. On verra…

It’s 9am. Last night I went to bed really late because of my homework, so much that I was kind of sick this morning… 5 hours of sleep feel like no sleep sometimes… So when I read the new, I wasn’t fully aware of what was really happening. Is this real ? Has 2016 turned that bad ?… oh for God sake, why ? What did we do to deserve this all thing ? Death of the biggest, Terrorism, Fear, Crisis, Brexit, Rape Culture at it’s highest, Violence, Racism, Homophobia, Islamophobia…
I live in France. My parents are here, most of my friends too. But I have family in the US… I have also, you know, plans… hopes. dreams. Some even involves going to the United States. Some going back in England, live the life I miss so much in London.

But my biggest hope in life was to live without the mess the world lived in the 20th century. It was my BIGGEST HOPE…

but now, it’s just hope. what’s left.

2016 feels like a hangover. Or at least it has all the signs to it : it hurts. it’s blurry. You can’t define what is really going on. As if we were the spectators of our own fall. You can’t do anything about it, just wait until it’s done.
2016 feels like a punch in the stomach. A hurtful, horrible pain that is tearing you appart… right from the inside. And the worst : you can’t do a goddam thing about it because it’s just here and you know it won’t last… But there is one thing you don’t know : what’s coming next ? This is the question I’ve been asking myself since 2016 started to crumble down… What’s coming next ? A new bombing ? A new death ? Someone I love being hurt ? Someone I hate coming back ? Some of my dreams destroyed ? Some of my hope broken ? Who knows…

I hate not to know. I hate feeling hopeless, and anxious, and fearful… I want to wait impatiently for the next step. I want to be eager to see what’s coming next. Not be sitted on my bed, thinking about all the horrible thing that are coming ahead. 

Donald Trump being elected feels like a bad new you want to forget right away… But it’s not like this. It’s more like… Oh … the world makes even less sense to me now. How come one of the most powerful countries in the world could let a guy like this get to the most powerful status in it ? Huh… nobody knows ? I think I do. People always prefer what looks easy. Easy way, easy path, easy speech, easy ideas… We live in a world where overthinking is bad, finding safe path is great. Where you are adored when you use shortcuts and where you are a creep if you are trying to understand before you act. That’s how a misogynistic racist capitalist sexual abuser has reached the Oval Office… That’s how we are lead to a world that is totally falling appart. 

I’m a woman. I’m muslim. I’m mixed. I had hope to go to the US in the next 2 years… I’m fully involved in what is call « globalization ». A huge part of my life is actually going through the Internet… With Trump on the big seat I feel even less secure than yesterday… I feel like rape culture is just taking a step further when the PLOTUS has said « grab her by the pussy » and was excused by so many. I feel disgusted because my religion will be even more attacked every day than it’s already done… I want to cry, and scream, and yell, and destroy everything because racism and violence against black communities are going to get worst. AND THAT IS HORRIFIC.

I don’t know what it was like to live World War 1 and 2… But I can tell you that living 2016 feels like a horrible awaken nightmare… and it’s not even finished yet.

Now all I can do is keep on praying for this all thing to be either a farce of the Universe, or that it will soon end for better…

may the odd be in our favor…

Leave a comment

Votre adresse de messagerie ne sera pas publiée. Les champs obligatoires sont indiqués avec *